Short Days...End of the Year

Quiet on the train this morning! We are all so done with this going to work ...in the dark.... ugh!  Life is too short to spend so much time going to a job every day, its making a lot of people physically sick.  EVERYONE is talking about 'looking forward' to the last day, no more, being off! ...Me Too!

Happy dark mornings everyone! Keep practicing Love.

Lo

Winter Beauty

I often complain about winter, the short days, the cold, the rain, so today  I defintely want to share the beauty I am seeing and the gratitude I am feeling.

I awake in the dark to the sound of the wind rattling the window and know we are in for a spectacular day...little did I know! As the sun comes up the turned  sky pink reflecting off the clouds, as the tops of the trees swaye and dance.

Coming outside is brisk and windy, but beautifully sunny.  The streets are filled with golden and red leaves, there is an incredible freshness in the air.

I can see the ocean at the end of the street and it is turbulent, with spray being tossed onto the seawall in bursts from big waves...powerful, lovely, all bathed in sunlight.

And then the ride on the train, where the view of these majestic snow capped mountains confirms that winter is indeed here.

Seems the stunning full moon we just experienced has brought the snow, and taken the leaves off the trees, and today has blessed us with this stellar and brilliant day.

Namaste, dear ones...keep practicing Love.

Promises, promises

The title of my current favorite song. 'I am on the road of least resistance'...I have been bailing on my promises to me, cause that  familiar pain is just that....familiar!  Something 'clicked' this morning as I awoke to a picture perfect fall day in this beautiful city....it's done...I can have anything...this 'familiar promise' has lost its appeal. I let go and let the Divine express its TRUE me.

Love, Lo 

Time for Goodbye & Creating a Tribute

A beautiful young woman that I was honoured to call friend, is being remembered and celebrated this afternoon.  She was graceful, and full of purpose and promise. She was 35.

To me she was all that I am not, graceful, even, and poised, and what bonded us....for we did not see each other often and did not run in the same circles....was the practice of Love.  We went to the depths of what being open-hearted brought to our lives, the amazing and the less than fabulous.  She was a touchstone of promise and sweet depth. 

I 'connected' with her on Friday evening while dancing to her playlist on soundcloud.com.  She said 'I can touch all of you at the same time now'.   She continues to Practice Love!

I would like memorialize her by having hundreds follow her on soundcloud.com, search Chouette....she is the only one in Vancouver.

Love you Jocelyn, Always!
Lo

Appreciating EVERY experience!

I find it a challenge to 'love' this cold weather. And was reminded by a lovely stranger that this too is here to be experienced...the reminders floated through my thoughts 'it comes to pass it doesn't come to stay' and 'how can one truly appreciate one without the other'.
So thank you lovely stranger for reminding me to be grateful and appreciative for all of my life's experiences! ....for why would I want to feel that any of this so short life was any less than amazing!

Practicing Love,
Lo

Today i am longing

I hit my head on the weekend, really hard, and it brought to the forefront my desire to come home to someone that really cares about my well being!

I've mastered the experience of 'taking care of myself'....I am ready and willing to share that with a man that wants to share that too!

'I call to you with all I am
Lover, Goddess, Friend, and meow'

Practicing Love,
Lo

Monday morning...and life is fabulous!

Stunning perfectly sunny weekend just experienced, filled with enough work to feel accomplished, and enough pleasure to feel sated and balanced!

As I write that my mind considers that I may prefer the fun and pleasure seeking over the hunt for work and sustenance? Not sure though as I do like the hunt ;-) ...being a lioness and all *big smile*.

Practicing Love,
Lo

Storm aftermath

Vancouver doesn't often get lightning and thunder mid winter! As a matter of fact we don't get it much at all, so to witness it last night was pretty darn cool!


What I do know about Vancouver weather after living here much of my life, is that after severe (I know its all relative) weather...we get sun!! Today is one of those days when I am reminded of the majesty of this geography! Snow covered peaks rising out of the ocean, reaching into the misty clouds above, the snow so low there is no 'snow line'....just perfect white & fluffy, illuminated by that most precious of sights...the sun!

We live a lot in the grey in this city, so when the sun blesses us with its presences it becomes time for celebration!

Today we celebrate!!

Love you, Vancouver!

Lo

Lovin' what Is?

This morning the thoughts started from the smells.

A homeless guy with his bag of cans walked by exiting the bus just after a someone wearing too much perfume. And I thought which one do I like least? And then I thought why do we want to cover up our smell? Which led me to why do we 'cover up' the Truth of who and how we are in the moment?

I read a FB post yesterday that was a response to another post about allowing oneself to experience grief. The post was 'breathe deeply, let go of the grief, it doesn't serve you' ... and this mornings smell 'cover up' experience prompted me to write about 'covering up' our truth.

So why think that grief doesn't serve? Why do we expect ourselves to skip past the powerful, life changing experience of grief? I know from personal experience that getting stuck in any emotion does not serve me, and I also KNOW first hand that trying to cover up what I am really feeling creates stress in my body and most often the emotion stays around much longer!

Remember the last time you were somewhere with a friend and you weren't supposed to laugh but something had tickled your funny bone and how much your body insisted that you laugh? ANY emotion suppressed creates stress in the body. And yes we can breathe ourselves into expelling the laughter as much as the grief, and its powerful practice remembering to breathe deeply! And as we are living in this human body that is continually experiencing feelings, emotional and physical, why would we want to 'hurry' through any of them?

Imagine living in a culture where you were allowed to be with your sadness and grieving because everyone knew it to be YOUR experience? I have a theory that others do not want to see our grief cause their body has residue of grief and they are afraid that seeing ours will bring theirs to the surface.

Be not afraid of what is inside you. Honour it. Be with it. Let it find it's way 'thru' you. There is a line in the bible, 'and so it came to pass'. A dear friend added to that 'it came to pass...it didn't come to stay'! Grief is letting go of what was, missing it, honouring it, loving that it was, and 'letting it pass'. And if we let it flow thru us so we are 'empty' of it, then there is room for new.  New beauty, new love, new friends, new family, new work, new joy!

Love You!

'Cant Make You Love Me'

Dear Mr. Prince and that song has often prompted in me a feeling of melancholy.  I looked at it just now on my phone and put it to play cause it's Valentines and a 'lover' is absent from my bed these days ... only to discover, as it started to play, that I'm not feeling melancholy!

I realized that the shift in my thinking/feeling is tangible, that I'm feeling so loved by All that is, that my desire for a partner/lover has lost it's 'longing' ... and is more like a setting a goal for the future that is filled with the joy of the possibilities yet to experience!What a joy moment of joyful surprise to notice me changing how I 'know' me! 
It feels like I was singing that song about me, to me, cause "I couldn't make me love me"....but now I do....an everything looks new!

Practicing Love,
Lo

My eyes have seen the beauty ...

Looking out the window of the train this morning at the view of the city with the beautiful dark green mountains in the background rising out of the mist. My eyes have witnessed such beautiful scenes wrapped up in the experiences of living.

As a young woman driving thru the Rocky mountains shining with snow in the heat of the summer; a work experience that took me to California where I met 2 amazing women who took me to see desert flowers blooming at an oasis in the desert; learning to ski and all the beauty that is a ski hill on a sunny snow perfect days; the power and serenity of an eagle eating salmon on the banks of a misty river; the eyes of a sweet beloved during the most intimate moments; the first eye contact with my babies after they left the warmth and safety of my body; the joy that young Mr Evan brings to the faces of his unca K and grandpa Reg; the look of instant recognition in the eyes of an incredible 'love at first sight' encounter; the power and gift of 'singing' through the birth experience with my daughter; the power and brilliance in a room full of women drumming; much of this lifetime witnessing these coast mountains rising out of the sea and the mist.

Life is sooooo good. I am so blessed to have seen all I have seen.  I am so grateful for the beauty yet to be experienced!

Practicing Love,
Lo

Chivalry...it ain't dead!

One of the 'gifts' of transit travel is watching and interacting with people.

This morning a 30 something man offered his seat to 2 women that didn't take him up on it. This is not the first time I have observed that same scene. Caused me to think...is chivalry less practiced ... or has the practice of women in north american culture of self reliance and independence made it appear that way? ... no doubt it is a combination.

I watched The Tudors over the Christmas season and yes it is television so has a theatrical bias, but what I noticed was that women 'expected' chivalry and men were expected to behave that way.

The conclusion seems to be that we get what we expect? What am I expecting? What are you expecting? Love? Hurt? Abandonement? Loneliness? Happiness? Ecstasy? Joy? Peace? Contentment? I have recently set my expectations higher. Enough of setting them low to avoid disappointment! Disappointment happens even when expectations are low.

Set 'em high, Lo! Expect your Good, Lo! Chivalry is not dead, Lo, take up the offer, expect men to treat you well! Expect Love...be amazed!

Love, Lo

Practicing Love

I was thinking this morning about the last man I was in relationship with and how, in my opinion, he was willing to be 'challenged' by love that looked from the outside like a lot of hard work. And then I thought hmmm how does that mirror me?

I've been delving to the depths of 'why do I do this'. Why do I feel such sadness, why do I feel loneliness, why do I perpetuate that aloneness, why do I want to be loved so badly? What does this have to do with the paragraph above you ask? Well my next thought was that I have behaved from fear rather than love, a lot in my life. I have put up the 'anger' wall to 'fend off' the hurt that can come from living with an open heart.

Through my desire and intention to live my authentic self I have come to the place of knowing that 'Love' is a practice. Love is a state of being, not something we 'fall in' to or 'out of'. I am practicing loving me where I have often not loved me. I am practicing hearing my judgemental thoughts and replacing them with Love thoughts. It is a lot of paying attention to thoughts ... however it's starting to feel really, really worth it! The only way Love stays is when I let it stay, when I encourage it to stay, when I practice being Love.

I think that perhaps he is practicing staying with his Love, perhaps that is why I so enjoyed practicing Love with him!?

Let's take up the practice of coming back again and again to Love...first and foremost with Self! Practice with me?

Love, Lo

Hearts & Truth ... a poem

Hearts and Truth

December 27, 2007

Which one is true? 

Do I love ‘Him’

Or is it You

Why am I sad

What do I want so bad

Is it just loneliness

It’s certainly not despair

Do I want someone ‘always’

Or do I really care?

I really love the closeness

The sharing and the Sex,

And yet I keep my distance

Have my heart at a ‘safe’ place,

Is that just discernment

Wise and practical?

Or do I choose again what is not really me

Or am I opening to places that I’ve not let be?

I know I miss ‘him’

I know I want more

I know I crave depth

In knowing and in Sex

And yet I am jazzed

By what builds between magnets

That are powerfully attracted

And made to be distant.

Can I have both

Deep love and deep Sex

Is it possible or real?

Or will I need many to meet my great need?

I guess only time … and truth … will tell.

How will I know?

I have been wondering lately will I really, truly know if I am choosing my next relationship from the same old stuff?  Will I recognize a 'healthy' relationship.  Perhaps I have been choosing from chemistry for so long I will be unable to recognize available, loving, kind, willing, emotionally intelligent, when they show up?  And if I do manage to recognize it, will I believe it?  And if I believe it, how freaked out am I gonna be that I got what I wanted?

As those thoughts come I wonder how many others think those kinds of thoughts, and I consider how many will think I'm totally loony for admitting I have those thoughts.  After all why should I be 'freaked out' about getting what I want?  I realize I haven't really trusted my choices and I think that lack of trust is related to the unconscious belief that I couldn't have all of what my heart desires.

I think I will know because there will be a comfort that develops I've not experienced in the past.  I think that I am willing to be vulnerable and communicate my desires.  I think that I am brave enough to make the choice that follows my true desires.  I think I am making choices from a different place of knowing my desire vs a longing for something I have 'believed' I cannot have.  I think I have learned true discernment.  I think I am braver, and wiser, and calmer, and more in love with myself and the world than I have ever been, I think I am ready :-)  Damn this getting wiser with age thing makes the aging pretty worth it :-)

Love, Love, Love ... All ya need is Love ... Thanks John :-)

First .... Love

Love. Such a simple and yet complicated topic.

I've had the idea to do this blog for quite awhile now and realized the other day that what has held me back is the willingness to be vulnerable.  The very same thing that gives me grief in my intimate relationships.  I mean I've had experiences that could give anyone cause to think "I'm not puttig my heart out there again", however I still find myself wanting to experience the depths of connecting in intimate relationship that has been my hearts desire for as long as I can remember.

I will share my own experiences and the insights that come from conversations with friends.  Don't worry, if you're my friend I won't put your name on here, and I wont' even use the conversation unless I ask :-) ... however if you're my friend we have already shared in the depths of conversation about love and relationship and you have probably said to me "you need to write this stuff down" ... so here it is.

I was in relationship with the father of my children for 18 years (well technically we'll always be in relationship but I haven't lived with him in 17 years) and I haven't lived with anyone in over 13 years.  I have been in love twice during these 13 years, both of them 2+ year relationships, and they both affected me in a deep and profound way.  The last one came to a graceful conclusion this past March when a beautiful young man said to me the weekend before, "when are you going to get on the marriage track".  It was like he hit me in the stomach I was so physically shocked by that question.  It took me all day and much of the next to realize that I had not been telling myself the truth, that I have 'believed' that only having a part of what I want in relationship is 'normal'!!  Wow!  Quite a realization!  So I took the brave leap and moved on.  I still miss him.  But we didn't want the same thing and I am worthy of having all that my heart desires!

There have been many gifts of the heart and soul in this year of letting go and reflection, which was my theme for 2010.  I have seen how that same pattern of 'compromise' has played out in many of my relationships, not just intimate ones but work situations and friendships too. 

Pretty amazing gift I gave myself ... the experiences I had with him, and the transformation that occured from knowing him.  Blessings, precious one!