Love. Such a simple and yet complicated topic.
I've had the idea to do this blog for quite awhile now and realized the other day that what has held me back is the willingness to be vulnerable. The very same thing that gives me grief in my intimate relationships. I mean I've had experiences that could give anyone cause to think "I'm not puttig my heart out there again", however I still find myself wanting to experience the depths of connecting in intimate relationship that has been my hearts desire for as long as I can remember.
I will share my own experiences and the insights that come from conversations with friends. Don't worry, if you're my friend I won't put your name on here, and I wont' even use the conversation unless I ask :-) ... however if you're my friend we have already shared in the depths of conversation about love and relationship and you have probably said to me "you need to write this stuff down" ... so here it is.
I was in relationship with the father of my children for 18 years (well technically we'll always be in relationship but I haven't lived with him in 17 years) and I haven't lived with anyone in over 13 years. I have been in love twice during these 13 years, both of them 2+ year relationships, and they both affected me in a deep and profound way. The last one came to a graceful conclusion this past March when a beautiful young man said to me the weekend before, "when are you going to get on the marriage track". It was like he hit me in the stomach I was so physically shocked by that question. It took me all day and much of the next to realize that I had not been telling myself the truth, that I have 'believed' that only having a part of what I want in relationship is 'normal'!! Wow! Quite a realization! So I took the brave leap and moved on. I still miss him. But we didn't want the same thing and I am worthy of having all that my heart desires!
There have been many gifts of the heart and soul in this year of letting go and reflection, which was my theme for 2010. I have seen how that same pattern of 'compromise' has played out in many of my relationships, not just intimate ones but work situations and friendships too.
Pretty amazing gift I gave myself ... the experiences I had with him, and the transformation that occured from knowing him. Blessings, precious one!
I've had the idea to do this blog for quite awhile now and realized the other day that what has held me back is the willingness to be vulnerable. The very same thing that gives me grief in my intimate relationships. I mean I've had experiences that could give anyone cause to think "I'm not puttig my heart out there again", however I still find myself wanting to experience the depths of connecting in intimate relationship that has been my hearts desire for as long as I can remember.
I will share my own experiences and the insights that come from conversations with friends. Don't worry, if you're my friend I won't put your name on here, and I wont' even use the conversation unless I ask :-) ... however if you're my friend we have already shared in the depths of conversation about love and relationship and you have probably said to me "you need to write this stuff down" ... so here it is.
I was in relationship with the father of my children for 18 years (well technically we'll always be in relationship but I haven't lived with him in 17 years) and I haven't lived with anyone in over 13 years. I have been in love twice during these 13 years, both of them 2+ year relationships, and they both affected me in a deep and profound way. The last one came to a graceful conclusion this past March when a beautiful young man said to me the weekend before, "when are you going to get on the marriage track". It was like he hit me in the stomach I was so physically shocked by that question. It took me all day and much of the next to realize that I had not been telling myself the truth, that I have 'believed' that only having a part of what I want in relationship is 'normal'!! Wow! Quite a realization! So I took the brave leap and moved on. I still miss him. But we didn't want the same thing and I am worthy of having all that my heart desires!
There have been many gifts of the heart and soul in this year of letting go and reflection, which was my theme for 2010. I have seen how that same pattern of 'compromise' has played out in many of my relationships, not just intimate ones but work situations and friendships too.
Pretty amazing gift I gave myself ... the experiences I had with him, and the transformation that occured from knowing him. Blessings, precious one!
I can relate to what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteI also want a loving relationship/friendship/sexual relationship with a man who is wanting the same thing. Relationships that are one sided are so behind me, now, at this stage in my life. Being alone for the last 5 1/2 years and having been on many dates during this time, I am waiting for the man that I want, the man who wants me, in the same way. I am worth it. With 2 failed marriages totaling 30 years, I AM worth it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining the conversation Miss Kitty. You are worth experiencing the Love that you are. Check out my latest post, 'Practicing Love'. It is a practice and you are SO worth it.
ReplyDeleteLove, Lo